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Love hurts. But, we already know that – huh. They also say that, those closest to you can hurt you the greatest. Again, that’s true & sadly many of us know it’s true by experience.
Let’s slow down for a moment of reflection.
Identify if you have ever been hurt by love. Now, let’s get more specific – by whom, how badly & what happened? Let’s go a bit further on this. More specifically, how have you recovered? How vulnerable are you to love right now? It’s a fair question that deserves a fair answer.
If you’ve been hurt deeply, most likely there is some hesitation in allowing yourself to fully love again or in allowing yourself to become vulnerable in love.
Actually, what most likely has happened from being hurt, is that you now either “numb” the pain or you “protect yourself” from being hurt ever again.
Let me talk about someone who loved you through the pain…extreme pain. Someone that refused to numb their pain & refused to tap out when loving us literally killed him.
That someone is Jesus. (This is not a Jesus talk – it’s simply an example of loving in spite of the pain.)
It cost him dearly to love you & me. Actually, it cost him his life. There’s a moment when he was on the Cross & he was offered a sedative to ease the pain…to take the edge off. You know what he did? He refused the sedative. He fully loved us through the pain. Why? Why not take the sedative? Was it an example of how to love for us to follow? Was it so he’d know how much love can hurt…to relate to us? It had to be for something – otherwise, why not take the painkiller…
No matter, what do we normally do when love becomes painful or when love has hurt us? We either find a way to numb it or we totally bail on it altogether.
Let’s go back to where we were. Let’s talk about both of these – numbing or bailing.
NUMBING the PAIN
I know many people who can’t face the reality of their life’s love or lack thereof. Often, it’s tied to either loneliness or pain suffered from a loved one. So, what do they do?
Some drink…a lot. The pain of their blown relationship(s) hurts too much. Some drink because they have become the very person they despise in loving others… often the person they’ve become, was the person the swore they’d never be. Now, they’re just like someone who loved them incorrectly….and they are passing it on to another.
Some use drugs – legal or illegal. Again – all to ease the pain. And, sadly, they never face a day with enough clarity to deal with the hurt relationships.
Others stay busy or away from their hurt. Workaholic…Always avoiding the pain that shows up when they are not busy enough to cover it.
I’m sure there are other ways to medicate the pain…
BAIL on the PAIN
Walk away. Anytime love becomes intense – walk away. Either temporarily or permanently. Some walk away physically. Theirs is a legacy of failed or shallow relationships. Brokeness & ruins are in their wake. Why? Because they never learned how to walk through the painful moments of love.
Some might now walk away physically, but they push people away emotionally. When someone starts to get too close – they shut down. Or find a way to sabotage the moment…buying into some false sense of safety in the area of love. The result? They aren’t close to anyone…and live with a profound loneliness within.
What about you? If you’ve ever been hurt by love – how have you recovered?
What would those closest to you say about your ability to give & receive love – freely.
How close are you to those that matter most in your life? How close would they say you are?
Is there any “numbing” going on in your life? What might you use to “ease the pain” of a bad love experience?
Do you keep people at a distance from you emotionally & relationally? If so – ask yourself why.
What’s your love legacy? Are there deep healthy loving relationships in your life? Or, are there a bunch of tattered remains of what could have been?
Lastly, do you take your hurt or anger out on others that have nothing to do with the real hurts in your life?
If you are living with a loneliness within – there’s a pain associated with it. How long will you perpetuate the loneliness? When will you have the hard conversations with those you love the most? When will you repair damaged relationships? Why not now?
Take a crazy step in your love… allow Christ to help you know how to love through the pain…how to heal…how to love…how to live.
Life is far too short to perpetuate flawed love any longer.
FULLY LOVE & FULLY LIVE
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