2055 others recommend this post
Webster defines trust as:
Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something… b : one in which confidence is placed.
Trust. It’s an extremely valuable & yet non tangible feeling we have toward others. I don’t know where it lives within us, but once it’s broken or lost – it’s very difficult regaining it. And rightly so. It should be. To give trust away too easily is foolish at best.
With that being said, I destroyed the trust everyone had in me and at every level possible. So, I know what it’s like to lose it. AND – I know what’s it’s like to take the time to rebuild it as well. It takes a moment to destroy trust & a long long time to rebuild. It’s very fragile.
Here are some imperative steps that earn trust back into your life.
Be Honest. Humble Yourself. Restore Integrity. Be consistent. Be patient.
Not being honest with yourself & others is what has broken trust. Therefore, it has to start with honesty.
I had a friend that was addicted to drugs. He admitted, to me, that he couldn’t handle cash – at all. If he had cash – he used. The solution seemed easy – don’t have cash. But he wasn’t willing to make that change. He lied to himself & wouldn’t make the necessary changes in his life. The result? He lost everything…all because he wouldn’t be honest with himself & make needed changes. For those of us that have broken trust – we have to be honest enough to make any changes necessary. Any slip & trust is broken again. With most people in your life, trust doesn’t have many breaks to use, until it’s irreparable.
A friend said to me, if you’re not willing to be honest – there is no accountability. without accountability, there can be no trust. It all starts with self honesty.
You have to be honest with those that you’ve broken trust with.
Somewhere it was dishonesty that caused trust to be lost. Now, it’s the only way to gain it back. There can be no gray areas…no secrets…no private talks…emails…texts…none…nadda…zilch. Trust can only be restored with a sense of “he/she is being honest & changing accordingly”
You have to be willing to humble yourself.
To be honest with yourself & others is a step, it takes a certain humility to admit weaknesses in your life. It takes even greater humility to make changes accordingly. To admit you can’t handle something is one thing. To make changes to avoid it, is another. However, unless your honesty leads to humility, nothing more than self awareness of a predictable end has taken place.
It’s called integrity. Wholeness. It’s all about being the same person in private as you are in public. Same. Whole. One.
You have to learn to change the borders in your life.
Ultimately, we have to become students of ourself. We have to adjust our life into greater success in all areas. You have to know the things (people…places…things…other…) that weaken or tempt you. They have to be completely removed from your life. Then, there are other things (people…places…things…other…) that help make you stronger. You have to know them as well & they must become a regular part of your life.
By getting rid of certain things & adding certain other things – we begin to walk with greater integrity. Consistent integrity leads to increased trust.
Accountability, according to those you’ve broken trust with.
It’s not about what makes sense to you – it’s what makes sense to them. For example – my wife. Time not accounted for is an area that had to be dealt with. So, we found ways to make her feel most comfortable with those situations. For example, a phone call before & after a meeting…then closing the gap on how the meeting went & how long it was. It just makes things feel better for her. It’s not about the person that broke trust – it’s about the one that suffered from it.
What I see with most people that need to rebuild trust, is a lack of willingness to humble themselves to do whatever it takes to rebuild it. Also, people want trust restored quicker than it really takes…and that alone, causes a lot of people to bail in the journey.
Trust is invaluable. If you have broken it with someone – go to them & ask how you can rebuild it. It won’t be easy nor cheap…but it will be worth it.
2055 others recommend this post